Tag: AskReddit

What if God came down one day and said “It’s pronounced ‘Jod'” then left? – AskReddit

What if God came down one day and said “It’s pronounced ‘Jod’ then left? from r/AskReddit

“I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

I just had a brainfart, I know this was a Samuel L Jackson line, but I just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out when Mace Windu says this, isn’t he influential in the council???

And it doesn’t help when people always respond to that comment with Star Wars shit

Aannnd, it happened. So, let’s mess it up more — live longer and prosper to infinity and beyond.

I’m sick of theses motherfucking Siths, on this motherfucking plane.

Draw me like one of your French girls again, motherfucker

Live long and may the force be ever in your favor Mr Potter- Gandalf

What Changed When You Got Out of Prison – Ask Reddit

[Serious] People who did a long time (5 years+) in prison, what was your biggest shock of the outside world? from AskReddit

5 years for aggravated assault & robbery. I was 3 months past my 18th birthday when I was sentenced. I lived in a small railroad town in South Central PA. I guess one of the biggest shocks for me was how much the town had changed. The scrub land where we rode our bikes and dirt bikes is now a strip mall. My friend’s driveway is now the main road through that part of town. Someone fixed up the old dive bar and turned it into a fairly popular restaurant and bar. Hell, whole developments popped up all over the place! And while I wouldn’t exactly call the changes “gentrification,” the town certainly has improved as far as standards of living, without ridiculously increasing the cost of living.

Shock number two was internet access. AOL, NetZero, EarthLink, etc, were the go-tos then, but phased out within a couple years of my release as faster access from cable companies became more widely available and affordable.

You forget about the details of things. Like the way carpet feels on the bottoms of your feet. What it feels like to shower completely alone and without flip flops on. In prison you have a certain number of smells that you’re exposed to every day, think of them as the first page in a book. But when you get out you have the rest of the book available. It’s a lot to take in all at once. With social media and everything, there’s the acknowledgement of the passage of time. When I got locked up I left a lot of friends and family behind and did 3 years on my own, no visitors, no calls, no mail. When I got out it was a trip to get on Facebook and Instagram and see how everyone I was ever close to had moved on with their lives, having kids, getting married, getting fat, losing weight, starting and quitting jobs, falling out with each other, some even passing away. People think about a prisoner doing time but don’t understand that the time does them. You are frozen in it. While you’re stuck in a constant loop of the same day every day, the rest of the world moves on without you. When you get home, you feel left behind. It’s an anxious panic to catch up after that.

My father was incarcerated from 2003 to 2016 & the biggest shock for him was technology & how much McDonald’s has raised prices lmao

Just got out. Weirdest thing was seeing all these damn scooters laying everywhere

That’s weird to all of us

My brother served a little over 3 years but the morning we picked him up we stopped by a grocery store to let him grab some snacks. He’s walking back to the car with this stunned look on his face and finally as he gets to us he goes “I felt like I was on an acid trip I haven’t seen that many colors in so long, I need to sit down”.

What do you KNOW is true without evidence? What are you certain of, right down to your bones, without proof? – Askreddit

What do you KNOW is true without evidence? What are you certain of, right down to your bones, without proof? from r/AskReddit

Dejavu comes from previous dreams

My phone is listening to me, it’s simply not a coincidence any more how my targeted ads change directly related to and after a conversation. People say we are just more predictable than we think but I mention something I haven’t even thought about for years and there it is on Instagram.

There’s a travel agency that’s been around in my town for as long as I can remember. I wholeheartedly believe it’s a front for the mob.

Flat earthers are just doing it for attention. They really don’t think the earth is flat.

Epstein didn’t kill himself

McDonald’s coke hits different than any coke I’ve ever had.

Life exists outside of Earth. I can’t imagine a universe where we are the only life.

Every generation after my own is fuuuuuuucked.

People with lower IQ’s are happier because they aren’t constantly overthinking, looking for self-transcendence, analyzing everything around them, and expecting too much of themselves

Gut bacterial imbalance can change a person fundamentally — physically, mentally, emotionally. One day they’re going to cure some impossibly vexing diseases and conditions when they figure out that it’s all connected to what lives in your guts.

What’s classy if you’re rich but trashy if you’re poor? AskReddit

What’s classy if you’re rich but trashy if you’re poor? from AskReddit

The most expensive thing you own is a really old car.

Having a lawyer’s business card in your wallet.

Being called Duke. Or Earl.

Living at a hotel

Getting money from the government.

Showing up to a formal occasion in t-shirt and jeans.

Substance abuse. Rich people are ‘troubled’ whereas poor people are just junkies.

Also mental disorders. Howard Hughes locks himself in his room, doesn’t shower and starts pissing in bottles and he’s an eccentric genius that gets a movie made about him by Martin Scorsese. Dude down the block does it and he’s just a nut.


My take – Moving around. If you’re rich it means you travel and are jet set. If you’re poor it means your transient and rootless.

Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because “that’s gay”?

Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because "that’s gay"? from AskReddit

I said I like it when it rains.

Raining men?

Putting on sunscreen.

Somebody called me gay for doing that before too. I didn’t realize as a hetero I was supposed to die of skin cancer.

I’m gay and I wear sunscreen because skin cancer is for straight men.

One time a girl thought I was gay because I was attentive during sex. I’m not even joking

Loving your girlfriend / wife and wanting her to feel good?
What kind of gay shit is this?

Eating at a sushi restaurant with another guy

At work I once complimented another man on his outfit. My male co-workers looked at me as if I had asked if he had naked photos of himself I could see.

Broke a guy’s jaw in high school, sent him a get well card while he was in the hospital. He called me gay for sending the card

80s kid here. Anything involving showing emotion is gay. Wearing any clothing that isn’t muted is gay. Stating that something is cute is gay. Getting excited about hobbies is gay. Calling your guy friends to talk is gay. Crying is gay. Airing grievances of everyday life is gay. Washing your butthole is gay. Using lotion other than jacking off is gay. Shaving anything other than your face and neck is gay.

I grew up in the 80’s too. My teenage son came along with me once to a get-together of some old high school friends of mine. I had a great time shooting the shit, playing cards, and having beers with those guys. Afterwards, my son remarked that it seemed like we didn’t actually like each other all that much – like there was an undertone of aggression to the whole night. I didn’t notice it at all, but watching him and his friends interact, it became clear to me why he would think that. He and his friends seem to always be genuinely kind to each other and supportive of one another and don’t make “jokes” at each other’s expense. That’s actually pretty cool. Kinda gay, but cool.

Acts of Kindness, examples

What’s a small act of kindness you were once shown, that you’ll never forget? from AskReddit

I missed my train to go home for Christmas from uni due to a crash near the station. I was completely broke and knew I wouldn’t be able to afford another ticket. Life just got on top of me knowing I’d have to spend Christmas alone in my shitty student house and not being about to see my grandad who was in rapidly declining health. I was bawling my eyes out on the platfrom when a janitor(?) appeared out of a hidden stock room under a stair well and brought me some tissues.

He found out why I was so upset and said leave it to me. Took me to the customer service desk and got them to reissue me a ticket for the next train home. I was so thankful I started bawling again and he went on his way. Then just before I was about to get my train he found me on the platform and gave me some snacks and a can of coke and its just the nicest thing anyones ever done for it.

I broke my foot and was trying to limp my way across campus with crutches in the pouring rain. Someone ran over with their umbrella and walked across campus with me so I wouldn’t get rained on.

I was in NYC taking a lunch break at a job I absolutely hated. I was sitting eating alone at a McD’s and after about 15 minutes this man in his 40’s or 50’s (I’m a 28 yr old male at the time) goes up to me and says something like “Hey man, you look really sad. Things will get better.” and just shook my hand. Takes a lot for one adult man to offer that up to another strange man. Really cheered me up.

After my Dad passed away my depression kicked into over drive. I went to the Doctor and got a prescription for anti depressants. While I was picking up my prescription I started crying. When I apologized to the pharmacist for crying like a child the pharmacist said, ” You don’t have to apologize. You recognize you have a problem and you are trying to fix it. That is a brave thing.” It changed my perspective on treating my mental illness.

At work I was complaining about heartburn once. I was still pretty new to the job. Didnt really have any work friends. Felt like an outsider. My life outside of work was pretty shit as well.

The bartender on shift overheard me and ran to a nearby coffee shop to get me a chocolate milk. It definitely made the heartburn go away but it was such a needlessly kind act. I dont think ill ever forget it. 2 years later we’re still friends and she is definitely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.

Girls who took notes using 50 different colored pens, where are you now? Do you still continue to write using all those colors?

Girls who took notes using 50 different colored pens, where are you now? Do you still continue to write using all those colors? from r/AskReddit

Unfortunately not allowed in the line of work i chose. So now i use 50 different colored Post-It notes. Improvise, adapt and overcome.

If I may ask, what line of work are you in that prohibits the choice to use different colored pens?

I work in an office, so it’s sort of a silly rule. However, it does look more professional, and blue/black ink is just better for scanning/printing purposes.

I used to work for a CPA/professional auditor who advised me to keep purple pens on hand for original signatures. She did.
She said you’ll always be able to tell at a glance if you’re really the one who signed it, since almost no-one will have a purple pen around to fudge your signature. and no-one will kick up a fuss since it’s basically a blue pen.

Unless my grandma decides to go on a fraud spree. Purple’s her favorite color and the ONLY color she ever writes with.. so beware

What do Americans think is normal for everyone, but actually it’s not normal for anyone but Americans? – AskReddit

What do Americans think is normal for everyone, but actually it’s not normal for anyone but Americans? from r/AskReddit

Cash bail.

With the discussions going on about changes to bail I’ve seen a few people saying things like “oh so you’re just going to drop cash bail, just gonna decide whether to release people, people are just going to show up to court without the money threat?????!?!?!”

Uh yeah…..as I understand it that’s how it works in places all over the world already….

I’ve been released on cash bail before. I didn’t show up to court because of the cash bail, I showed up because warrants are annoying.

Not putting the final price on the tag. I’m not sure whether it’s still like this, but a few years ago one never knew whether the $1.00 item in McDonald’s or Burger King is actually $1.00 or maybe $1.08.

This one is more on the positive side, because I think we could learn some from it.

Talking and sharing your life with complete strangers. I have met quite a few americans so it seems the norm that you share and engage with strangers in public. The bus, train, parks etc. And then you go on your way.

In Denmark you’d be a “freak” if you did that.

I’ve heard someone say that we are the only ones who drink out of Solo Cups

Canadians do too, and in Europe when some younger people play beer pong they get them for “authenticity”. Other than that. Yes, north americans are the only ones as far as i know.

Yeah we use them for beer pong here in Europe (mostly knock-offs though) but that’s just because the standard here is like 0,2L plastic cups, which are way harder to throw ping pong balls into. Generally you can’t buy them as disposable cups in the supermarket though and you have to buy some sort of beer pong set.

I was in Germany for the 4th of July about 10 years ago. The stores had big Solo cup displays with “American Party!!” advertisements and everyone wearing red, white, and blue clothes. Brought a tear to my eye.

And they say us Americans have no culture smh

Ambulance rides costing money seems pretty absurd to people from other countries

I’ve heard of people getting Ubers instead of getting an ambulance because it costs so much

Yeah, my roommate was really sick once. I got an Uber and took her to the hospital because an ambulance would’ve cost $1000 instead of $15.

Which reasonably priced state do you live in? It’s usually 3 – 5K

Yep. I’m still paying off debt from an ambulance ride that cost me $3,500. I went like two miles. And I have amazing health insurance by US standards.

When I went to New York I was flabbergasted by the amount of people just loitering on the streets or having phone conversations that everyone can hear on the train like npcs from GTA.

People outside of the USA don’t hang out in public or let other people into their business on public transport.

I managed to hear a woman talk about how her baby daddy wasn’t going to her daughters birthday party and I started to pick side’s in her personal life, while walking through Central Park I heard two friends with a substantial age gap talk about everyone in their friend group having mistresses and they were trading information on the mistress facts each of them knew for their respective friends, I got invested in that one so I folliwed them for a while (pretending I wasn’t) because I wanted the tea.

Things that seem easy but aren’t

Dancing. I wouldn’t say it looks “easy”, but when I see people do it, they’re so good at it and it flows so well it looks easy. But damn, I just CANNOT get my body to do anything more than a bop and maybe some stupid arm moves.
I’m 25 and dance like a 50 year old at a reunion.
Dancers are so delicate and make it look so easy, it’s honestly amazing. It’s just hilarious when I try to do literally anything and fail horribly.

All smoke and mirrors, friends. As a dance teacher, I can tell you confidently that it feels absolutely silly until you just start to sell it.
90% confidence, 10% squats.
Having fun is step #1. Fake it til you make it!

Whistling with your fingers.

Drawing something from memory. Like a bird or something.
In mind – yep that’s a bird
On paper – that’s… a bird?

Watching tutorial: Oh, this is easy.

Being in your 20’s. As a clueless kid I thought by now I’d have everything figured out and my life on track. I’m still clueless but now I also have depression.

In my 30s. Still clueless.

In my 50s. Not completely clueless, but I sure wish my older generation were still around to bounce ideas with.


What looks easy peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?

What is something about yourself that sounds totally made up but is 100 Percent real? – AskReddit

What is something about yourself that sounds totally made up but is 100% real? from AskReddit

I’ve published four peer-reviewed scientific papers on hamster testicles.

I was the best man on both sides of a lesbian wedding because I had dated both the bride and the bride, stayed close friends and introduced them to each other after our breakups.

When my mom was in grad school she took several labs where she worked with cadavers. Because my dad worked nights she often had to take me to class with her, and she’d usually just plonk me down on the table with the cadaver while she worked on it.
“Can I go to work with you?”
“Over my dead body.”

I met the guy who invented the Blue Light Special at Kmart. He said his boss told him to find a way to get rid of a cart full of stuff. So he went to the police auction and bought a used blue light. Bam!

My dad’s name is Luigi and my uncle’s name is Mario. They are brothers.
ETA: I forgot to add that my dad is also a plumber.

I bought a guitar amp from Brad Whitford, of Aerosmith, when I was 17. He and Steven Tyler served up cheeseburgers for me and my friends.