I’ve published four peer-reviewed scientific papers on hamster testicles.
I was the best man on both sides of a lesbian wedding because I had dated both the bride and the bride, stayed close friends and introduced them to each other after our breakups.
When my mom was in grad school she took several labs where she worked with cadavers. Because my dad worked nights she often had to take me to class with her, and she’d usually just plonk me down on the table with the cadaver while she worked on it.
“Can I go to work with you?”
“Over my dead body.”
I met the guy who invented the Blue Light Special at Kmart. He said his boss told him to find a way to get rid of a cart full of stuff. So he went to the police auction and bought a used blue light. Bam!
My dad’s name is Luigi and my uncle’s name is Mario. They are brothers.
ETA: I forgot to add that my dad is also a plumber.
I bought a guitar amp from Brad Whitford, of Aerosmith, when I was 17. He and Steven Tyler served up cheeseburgers for me and my friends.