Having a problem with alcohol is not about alcohol
As the sober years mounted up, I realised that drinking was a symptom of something bigger underneath. I’ve rarely met an ex-drinker who didn’t have anxiety, depression or low self-esteem, usually caused by experiences growing up. For me, it was growing up gay in the 80s, reading that people like me didn’t have a future. I’ve seen hundreds of people with different stories but with the same outcome: straight men and women who didn’t feel loved, trans people who were bullied, people whose parents beat them, or shamed them about their looks or weight, or sexually abused them … the list goes on and on. Dealing with problem drinking means dealing with what’s underneath. It’s terrifying at first but eventually you’ll come to see it as the bravest and best thing you’ll ever do in life.
The best thing about stopping drinking is that you get your feelings back
And the worst thing about stopping drinking is that you get your feelings back, so the saying goes. If drinking is about dulling pain, when you stop, it comes flooding back like a tsunami. Decades of repressed memories came crashing in. The time a teacher slapped me when I was eight for something I didn’t do, how it felt when my ex cheated on me, a person who bullied me in one of my first jobs, and about a million other resentments – but also the things I’d done: guilt about a joke I made to a schoolfriend that came out wrong and made them cry, relationship mistakes, the time I nearly slept through a photoshoot with Daniel Radcliffe … Gradually you learn how to deal with emotions in a healthier way than just running from them. (Yes, I did go back and apologise to that schoolfriend.)
I spent 22 years as a problem drinker. Here are 10 things I’ve learned since I quit
Matthew Todd
Guardian